cassiecain32120 (cassiecain32120) wrote in bleed_me_dry,
cassiecain32120
cassiecain32120
bleed_me_dry

I'm new. (:


Name: Cassie C.
Age: 19
Location: USA
Gender: Female
Form of Self Injury: cutting, & impact martial arts; thinking about starting burning but hesitant, I like seeing blood when I self injure or at least bruises.
Why do you Self Injure? Many reasons...because I feel numb & there is so much I should be feeling, to deal with stress & sadness, to remember myself, to hold on to myself, to feel strong, to test myself, push my limits, it is even somewhat spiritual to me, I am mesmerized by blood flow and don't really want to ever stop, maybe do it less often one day but never stop completely.
When was your first time? when I was 18, razor blade
Where do you most often Self Injure?In the summer, my thighs; in the school year (college), my arms b/c it is much more powerful there.
What do you use? razor blades, razor sharp knives, sometimes broken glass
Do you hide it? I hide it from the people that if they knew, it would be taken away from me.  But I don't hide it from my few rare friends, and plan on eventually letting the ppl in my martial arts group know, and when I go out I don't give a shit what strangers think.  
Anyone know? Two people.  Not that close of friends, but the only kinda-sorta friends I have.  Also my family knows that I "used to"; they have no clue I started again even though it's so obvious.
Ever been in treatment for your Self Injury? No.  I've been in treatment for anorexia though, 5 years of my life wasted only caring about what number my weight is, but needless to say my passion is martial arts now and I have long outgrown anorexia.  Ana simply died.  I don't plan on letting my friend the razor blade ever die.
What are you hoping to get out of this community? Friendship & understanding

I have currently: realized that I don't even care who sees my cuts and scars, as long as it isn't my family.  It's a part of me, so why should I hide???  Yes, some people will judge me, yes, some people will falsely label me, but the people who would do that, are the people who it is in their nature to do that, and thus they are not worth my time or friendship anyways; a true friend will accept me for who I am.  "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." That is the saying I live by.  And the lyrics of Kerli Koiv's song, "Beautiful Inside":
Is it cold where I'll be tonight
I should say that I don't care at all
Do I have a place to sleep at night
You should know that I don't care at all

You wont hear me cry
Cos I don't care at all
I'm beautiful inside
And I don't care at all

If u'll take me away
Whatever u do
Whatever u say
I don't care about me
I don't care about u
I don't know what is right
Don't know what is wrong
I'm singing my song
I'm not trying to hide that I am beautiful inside
Beautiful inside

Am I drunk or high tonight [in this part i just replace it w/ "bleeding"/"cutting"....b/c i don't drink alcohol or do drugs,never will]
I am sure that I don't care at all
Do you still wanna hold me tight
I'm not sure that I don't care at all

You wont hear me lie
Cos I don't care at all
I'm a little creep inside
Who doesn't care at all

If u'll take me away
Whatever u do
Whatever u say
I don't care about me
I don't care about u
I don't know what is right
Don't know what is wrong
I'm singing my song
I'm not trying to hide that I am beautiful inside
Beautiful inside. Beautiful inside

If u'll take me away
Whatever u do
Whatever u say
I don't care about me
I don't care about u
I don't know what is right
Don't know what is wrong
I'm singing my song
I'm not trying to hide that I am beautiful inside
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