Location: Norwich, UK
Form of Self Injury: Cutting, Bruising, Plucking out (pubic) hairs, Throwing myself down stairs, Mostly cutting.
Why do you Self Injure? Because I get so angry and frustrated, it is my only outlet. I adore the scars and I love picking at them before they're healed. Only occaisionally can a channel my anger into something positive. I'm not sure why it started.
Also, I love to watch the blood.
When was your first time? I first cut myself with a pair of scissors on my leg when I was 11, Before that I used to throw myself down stairs and throw myself out of trees, I didn't really know what I was doing then, everyone just thought I was clumsy.
I didn't cut again until I was 13 and I exchanged cutting for drinking when I was about 15. Now I am 20 don't drink and I am cutting again.I have been cutting for over a year now and as i find nicer and better things to cut with and i am doing it more often I wonder if I'll ever stop.
Where do you most often Self Injure? I used to cut only on my upper thighs because nobody would ever have to see, now I don't care, I will cut anywhere. wrists is my current favourite, they bleed more.
What do you use? Craft knives, Razor blades, scissors, fists to punch myself, metal ruler to beat my legs with, and tweezers for the hairs thing.
Do you hide it? Sometimes, if I think people will be shocked or offended by it.
Anyone know? My mother found out when I was 13 and made me stop, so I just hid it better. When i was 15 she saw it again and then she used to check my body every day, so i bottled it all up and drank it out at the weekends, or sometimes before school.
I also used to smoke dope to try and cheer myself up.
She knows I do it again but I don't live at home so she can't stop me, I think she's more interested in getting me help now, which is a massive improvement in her attitude. A few of my closest friends know and so does my boyfriend. Thay have varied feelings towards it but most of them say they wish I wouldn't do it.
Ever been in treatment for your Self Injury? I've never done anything too drastic that can't be dealt with using steri-strips at home. I've never attempted to take my life but i consider it all the time. I am getting counselling for my depression and I'm seeing a half decent doctor for medication.
What are you hoping to get out of this community? I am looking for somewhere I can vent and hopefully make new friends. I'm looking for people who won't tell me to stop what I'm doing but will offer me emotional support if/when I need it.
Hopefully I might be able to utilise my few years of experience helping others on this community.